" We mightalso do self harm, a "minor" form of suicide. I have heard of some of usthat cut off their testicles, or tried to. Some of us hide by havingunsafe sex resulting in gonorrhea, syphilis, or AIDS. In other words: aslow form of suicide.Or we hide behind drugs. Hopefully those of us that go that route end upin Alcoholics Anonymous, Synanon or other treatment centers before weeither end up in jail or die.We often develop various forms of mental illness, as a product of theextreme shame or bewilderment we have. We are admitted to psychiatrictreatment centers or at least, being driven by guilt or unable to acceptthe unacceptable, we talk to psychologists or psychiatrists. Many of usare depressed and end up on anti depressants.We also don't know how to relate to others. We are alone so we don'tpick up the interrelationship clues that other teens learn because theyare with friends. As adults we don't know how to deal with people sofind ourselves alone or, because we are. What she had said and tried was only to be expected. I would not punish her for it this time.I let her eat in peace, as I also ate my dinner. Unlike her, I had a glass of wine with mine, and settled down to watch the news and read the financial papers. There was no rush to recover her plate. It was just a shame I now had to wash the dinner things myself. She had been useful in that respect.The refusal came on the third day. I had told her to get in the cage, and she had refused. I was pretty sure she had figured out that there were no mice there with her. In three days, she would have seen at least some droppings. She had also eaten for the past three days, and we both knew she was not about to starve to death. I wasn’t sure if she was just testing me to see what I would do. I did exactly what I said I would do, ad plunged the dungeon back into total darkness. At the same time, I turned the heating up to full. It would not take long for the dungeon to get unbearably hot, but it would.
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